Forever Is Not Far

Zhang Sanjian is back 2022-08-02 03:00 Posted on Beijing

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At the start of each month, it’s common to see posts like ‘Hello, [this month]’ on social media. Everyone hopes to stay happy throughout the month, remain adorable, or have their hard work pay off… In essence, we all hold good wishes for the future.

August has arrived on time once again, and with it, a heatwave that brings its ‘enthusiasm’ to this peak of summer. It seems no different from the August two years ago, yet there’s a subtle change deep within me. In the deepest part of my soul, there seems to be a black hole, a void in my mother’s heart — that black hole plunges her into a world of confusion, anxiety, and sorrow.

I also know there are people who feel unsettled and uneasy about an upcoming day, struggling to regulate their emotions. It’s as if everyone is yearning for something, just like in the movies: suddenly, it’s many years later…

Forever is not far away, just like every sunrise and sunset is a day within forever. What’s meant to come will always come, and no one can resist it. As I write this, I stare at the computer screen, unable to continue writing, anger surging through me, even wanting to punch the screen. Why should I, who have experienced all this, have to appear tolerant, open-minded, and loving? Why can’t I freely express my emotions?

Yes, I can’t. I am no longer who I used to be; I can do better than before.

To the friends who have been supporting me all this year, rest assured, I am doing well. Lately, exercising with friends, boxing, and doing Pilates… these activities help me temporarily forget my worries and feel connected and grounded in the company of family and friends. Even basketball, which I hadn’t touched in two or three years, has returned to my hands under the encouragement of friends, bringing back a sense of exhilaration. Yes, I am actively recharging myself.

Back home, my mom’s state has improved a lot with my company. Exercising together, I see her become more agile, her wrinkles smoothing out. In the future, I can do even better.

To those ‘supporters’ lurking in the shadows, I know you want to see me fall and lie on the ground amid your scornful laughter, no longer strong, believing, or persistent. But I want to thank you for successfully igniting that ‘damn desire to win’ in me. If I really fell, it would seem disrespectful to your long-standing ‘support.’ Just like the lyrics of that song, ‘Thank you, indifferent people, for once looking down on me, making me live stronger without bowing my head.’

How far is forever? Forever is not far; it’s in our hearts. If we aim for eternity, every day under our feet is forever. Without walking every step firmly and solidly in the present, how can we reach the forever we talk about?

Live well, may all as you wish. Discard some pointless arguments and pettiness, and pay more attention to the beautiful moments in life. Let’s keep exercising into old age — even as old grandparents, we should be healthy and happy.

Perfection is not necessarily beautiful. The family members, partners, and staff around us all have their own flaws and blind spots. No one is perfect. If you always look at the world with a critical eye, you won’t be happy. Learning to tolerate and appreciate someone’s imperfections can light a bright lamp in your heart. This light will illuminate both yourself and me.

I’ve said I would be your Dark Knight, and I will remember this promise forever. I’ll be there when you need me, and even if there comes a day when I’m not needed, I’ll still be quietly watching over and wishing you well.

The journey we share is not lonely. Sometimes you might want to get off to enjoy a different view, and that’s okay—the train will always be there.

Whether you are a new friend or an old friend, I will greet you with a smile and say: How are you? Welcome…

（Source of images: Internet）